For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
