i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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