Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
