every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
