don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
