those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize