i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
