Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
