so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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