College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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