Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Buhtt sex?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
