U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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