So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
