I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
