God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
