She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
