I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
