Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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