So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
As shirtless as possible
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You are the jesus of drinking
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
