I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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