I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
