sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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