when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
