The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
