Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
