I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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