There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
