I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
