you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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