when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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