She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
