me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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