I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
