Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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