How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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