I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
