At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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