If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
