Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
