i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
