judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
