after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
