You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
