I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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