Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Randomize
