You're my little dorito
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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