I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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