Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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