I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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