then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
