my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
