I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
