You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize