I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
