Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
