the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
