wat bout pragnant strippers??
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
