I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
