i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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