I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
