His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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