yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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