i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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