Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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