I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
