i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I could have mohawked her pubes.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize