Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
