I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Who died my cat blue again?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
This toilet bowl is my home.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
