i need an iv and a liver transplant
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
