every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
