is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize