My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Why can't burritos get me drunk
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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