I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
