I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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