and you said cock pushups were impossible
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Randomize
