dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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