True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
worst night to have a conscience
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize