did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize