and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
