when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
