well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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