She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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