so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
